This says it all don’t you think?

Advertisements

Understanding Passive Aggressive Men

Another interesting read. I found this one at http://www.ehow.com/how_4556764_understanding-passive-aggressive-men.html. I am on a roll here. I am trying to find information and post it here in one place. This subject is near to me as I live with a PA husband who is an alcoholic and bipolar as well. Hence the interest here. I hope it will help at least one person. Maybe even me.

 

By Glenda Taylor, eHow Contributor

Understanding Passive Aggressive Men thumbnail

Protect your own self-esteem when dealing with a passive aggressive man.

Men with Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder (PAPD) exhibit resentful behaviors, making living with a PAPD sufferer difficult. Some men with PAPD also show signs of other mental disorders, including depression, anxiety, a tendency toabuse alcohol or drugs, and an increased risk of suicidal thoughts. Understanding a man who suffers with PAPD is imperative for a friendship or family relationship to be successful.

Instructions

    • 1

      Encourage men with PAPD to express their feelings of resentment. For many of these men, their cycle of emotionally destructive behavior began in childhood when they did not express anger towards parents, teachers or society over what they felt was unfair treatment. In counseling, these men are encouraged to bring those long-hidden events and feelings to the surface and share their emotions.

    • 2

      React to angry outbursts with calm logic to keep from escalating the situation. Passive-aggressive behavior takes the form of sarcasm and hurtful insults when the person is feeling anxious or angry. Instead of fueling the hurtful comments, try deflating the attack by expressing your own feelings. When confronted with an insult, explain that you feel the comment is unfair and that you don’t deserve it. Begin statements with the words, “I feel.”

    • 3

      Lower your expectations. Unfortunately, living with a passive-aggressive male is not a recipe for bliss. These men often find it hard to hold a full-time job, and they view the actions and comments of others as a direct attack on them. However, there are varying degrees of the disorder, and men who suffer from borderline PAPD may learn to control the condition in order to live somewhat successfully.

    • 4

      Set boundaries. In order to maintain your own self-esteem, establish boundaries and stick to them. For instance, determine in advance that name-calling is off-limits. When it occurs, immediately explain that it is counter-productive and that you will discuss the matter at another time when no name-calling is involved. Leave the room.

    • 5

      Network with other people who live with a PAPD sufferer. Being able to share your experiences and learn about those of others can empower the way you deal with a passive-aggressive man. Join a message board to discuss how PAPD has affected your life.

    • 6

      Learn all you can to better understand the behaviors of your passive-aggressive man. Encourage him to seek ongoing counseling. Attend the sessions with him. If he isn’t willing to go, attend by yourself. Check out, “Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man,” by Scott Wetzler (see Resources).

Tips & Warnings

  • Understanding that PAPD is a real mental disorder may make dealing with his behavior easier, but only if you safeguard your own feelings of self-worth.

  • Don’t allow yourself to become a victim of mental manipulation and emotional abuse. PAPD sufferers are rarely violent, but they use mental abuse to degrade their loved ones and manipulate them into catering to their unreasonable whims. If you can’t live happily despite all your efforts, consider a separation.

Read more: Understanding Passive Aggressive Men | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4556764_understanding-passive-aggressive-men.html#ixzz2QEDOnDww

Passive Aggressive Men – How They Damage Relationships

I found this article at http://ezinearticles.com/?Passive-Aggressive-Men—How-They-Damage-Relationships&id=5500109. It was a great read, short and sweet but full of information everyone can use. Enjoy!

 

By 

Expert Author Tina L. Jones

Have you had it with passive aggressive men? Are you sick of the mind games and the endless feeling of walking on broken glass? Do you wonder if it’s even worth your time to pursue a relationship with a man who makes life difficult with his tricks and games? These men use some complicated tactics to get what they want. If you are involved with this kind of guy, you might be wondering if you can change him – and you might also be wondering if you should cut your losses and move on.

What Is Passive Aggression?

A truly passive-aggressive person suffers from apersonality disorder that is marked by some very specific behaviors – or lack of behaviors. Many people have varying levels of tendency toward this disorder, and many of those do not even realize that the way they behave at times can cause trouble with their various relationships. Others are well aware of the way their mentality works, and they use it to their perceived advantage – as a weapon against people they are involved with in various areas of life.

Often, the people who have this disorder are very personable and charismatic, especially at the beginning of a relationship. You may have had fun together, felt like you knew each other instantly, and become very close very quickly. This is just one reason why it can be so frustrating to deal with a person like this once things turn sour.

How These Troubled Men Cause Relationship Damage

Here is a short list of some of the ways passive aggressive men wreak havoc in a relationship. Some of these situations may sound familiar to you.

• Lack of Responsibility and Excuses – People who display the traits associated with this disorder very often make excuses for everything. They often refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, and they have a tendency to blame things that they are responsible for on other people – they often blame their wives and girlfriends for things these women have nothing to do with.

Learned Helplessness and Victimhood – Passive aggressive men often play the “poor me” or victim role. This goes hand in hand with a lack of personal accountability.

Obstructionism and Interference – If you have noticed that your husband or boyfriend tends to seem to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or has a tendency to interfere in things he has no business interfering in, then it’s likely he has some tendency toward the problem. Although passive aggressive men are capable of loving, they very often have difficulty trusting the judgment of others, and they have trouble with intimacy. This is extremely frustrating to deal with.

• Intentionally Causing Chaos – If things seem to be going a bit more smoothly than normal, you should be on the lookout for intentional chaos. This can be as minor as a dropped bag of groceries, followed by him blaming you and intentionally picking a fight – or it can be something major.

What To Do If You Are Involved With A Man Who Has These Tendencies

Mild passive-aggressiveness can be difficult to live with, while a severely disordered person can be a nightmare to deal with. Often, people who suffer from the inability to emote normally are the way they are because they were never allowed to express their true feelings as children. They developed a habit of internalizing everything, and they are often filled with repressed feelings of anger and frustration.
Sometimes this leads to emotional, verbal, or physical abuse.

A mental health practitioner can help a person with tendencies toward passive aggression to realize that they are causing damage within their relationships, and over time, can help that person to live a more normal life. If your loved one is willing to accept help then seek the assistance he needs. If not, reevaluate your relationship. You may be happier elsewhere.

 

This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones

Passive Aggressive Men

I found this post from another blog at http://www.knowledgegalaxy.net/passive_aggressive_men/passive_aggressive_men.html  I thought it was an interesting read so here it is!

Passive Aggressive Men

How to Recognize Passive Aggressive Men

Dealing with passive aggressive men can be a challenge. Trying to have a fulfilling, healthy relationship with this kind of man is highly frustrating at best.

Do you think the man in your life has passive aggressive behavior disorder? In order to find out, you need to know how to recognize it, where it comes from, and whether you can do anything to change it.

Signs He’s a Passive Aggressive Person

  • He is perpetually late to events that are important to you. In contrast, he seems to be able to make it to events that he values with time to spare.
  • He uses ambiguous language, makes cryptic remarks, and says things that seem to have underlying meaning. When confronted, he will deny doing so.
  • His opinions are subject to change depending on whom he is arguing with.
  • He is very forgetful – especially when it comes to birthdays and anniversaries.
  • He is a procrastinator. He operates on his own timetable and is almost always finishing important projects at the last second, usually at the expense of quality.
  • He contradicts himself regularly – and denies it every time.
  • He blames others for his own shortcomings. It is always someone else’s fault – the mailman, the president, his boss, the guy that rang him up at the grocery store, the list is endless. To passive aggressive men, the entire world is full of inept and unintelligent people, and they all seem to be conspiring to make his life miserable.
  • He seems not to get angry. Instead of expressing his anger honestly, it comes out in more insidious ways. When confronted about this, he – you guessed it – denies it.
  • You feel like he pushes your buttons or starts fights intentionally and then retreats when you get upset, acting as if you are totally out of line.
  • He is very timid and won’t assert himself by day, but has no problem getting rough in the bedroom.
  • He expects you to know what he is thinking without his having to tell you – and to act accordingly.
  • He gives backhanded compliments, and you often aren’t sure if he’s really just kidding when he teases you.
  • He sulks, pouts, and mopes but will never come out and say that he’s unhappy with something.
  • He does many things half-heartedly and without much enthusiasm. There’s always some reason for him to be unhappy.

How Passive Aggressive Disorder Develops

Passive Aggressive men become that way because of what they learn in childhood. The behavior is either modeled after a passive aggressive parent or is a coping mechanism developed in a home where healthy expression of feelings – especially anger – was hindered. Somewhere during their development, a passive aggressive person has been taught that the honest expression of feelings is bad.

Since emotions like anger, fear, and disappointment aren’t released in normal ways, they build up and must somehow be purged. The frustrating and confusing passive aggressive behaviors are simply the releasing of those pent-up emotions.

Dealing With Passive Aggressive Men

If you’re still reading this, it’s likely that you know what it’s like to have a relationship with a man who is passive aggressive. So, is it worth the trouble to try and help him change? Well, that depends. If the behavior is not extremely severe or deeply ingrained, there is much hope for recovery.

The first step in correcting the behavior is recognizing it. One of the hardest things a passive aggressive person can do is to examine himself and to take responsibility for his behavior. If this can be accomplished, anything is possible. Therapy can be highly effective at helping to treat passive aggressive men.

As the partner of a recovering passive aggressive, you will need to have a lot of patience and understanding. If you and your partner care deeply for one another, and he is truly willing to put in the work it will take to correct his behavior, you can eventually have a mutually beneficial relationship.

Remember: staying in a relationship with passive aggressive men is always a bad idea if they are unwilling to change or are unable to recognize that they have a problem.

Marriage and Hidden Hostility

I found this on the webpage http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201302/is-hidden-hostility-derailing-your-marriage. I am learning more about  this and thought I would share it.
3 Strategies for Improving Communication with your Passive Aggressive Spouse
Published on February 18, 2013 by Signe Whitson, L.S.W. in Passive Aggressive Diaries

You sense that your husband is harboring feelings of anger at you, but you don’t know what is motivating his hostility. You’ve tried asking him if he is angry, but his standard response is to deny such feelings, then continue to withdraw and sulk.

You know the routine, because you’ve been down this road countless times before. Though uncomfortable with expressing his angry feelings directly, your spouse persistently lets you know about his resentments through passive aggressive means. How can you disengage from this destructive dynamic of unspoken anger and covert hostility? Here are three tips to improve communication with your passive aggressive spouse:

1. Affirm the Anger

Some people spend their lives guarding against any acknowledgement of their anger. One of the most powerful ways to improve communication in a relationship is to be willing to point out anger directly, when it is present in a situation. Anger should be called on by name in factual, non-judgmental statements, such as, “It seems to me that the issue is that you are angry at me right now.” This simple direct approach can be profound.

2. Manage the Denial

Your goal is to openly acknowledge the anger that has been closed off and kept secret for too long. Expect that once this has been done, your spouse will deny his angry feelings. When he does, it is helpful to accept his defenses in the moment, with a response such as, “It was just a thought I wanted to share with you.

It is not necessary to argue with his denial at this time. Rather, back away from further discussion, leaving your spouse with the knowledge that you are aware of the anger that underlies his behavior. Now, your husband knows that his emotional mask has been lifted and the door has been opened for future discussion about his underlying anger.

3. Re-Visit the Thought

Confrontation of passive aggression is not a once-and-done cure for the behavior, but rather an approach whose best results come from repetition. When the dynamic is re-played (and it will be!), re-visit the thought with another affirming statement such as:

Remember when I mentioned I thought you were angry at me? Well, what just happened between us today seems similar to what happened last week. What do you think?

Again, it is not necessary to immediately argue the point, but rather it can be helpful to leave the passive aggressive person to process this thought for the time being. His is coming to understand and accept that his hidden anger is no longer a secret and he will need to communicate with you in a more emotionally honest way—or face the discomfort of the same type of conversation again and again.

Passive aggressive communication patterns can be even more destructive to marriages and families in the long term than outright aggression.  The advantage of this approach is the comfort of not having to justify or defend your acknowledgement of the anger. By simply sharing your awareness of his covert anger, you have sent a bold and powerful message that the passive aggressive behavior cannot continue and the relationship needs to change.

Signe Whitson, LSW is the author of The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces, 2nd ed.  For more information or workshop inquiries, please visitwww.signewhitson.com 

Easy Apple Pie

Daily Living With Lupus

I saw this on the Marie show on the hallmark channel. It looked so easy and I thought I would share it. I love apple pie and this was far easier than ones I have made before.  I hope you enjoy it!

From the website http://www.hallmark.com/marie

Beth Howard’s Homemade Apple Pie

Ingredients
Pie Crust:
2-1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup butter, chilled
1/2 cup Crisco
Dash of salt
Ice water (fill one cup but use only enough to moisten dough)

Apple Filling
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup flour
Dash of salt
2 or 3 teaspoons cinnamon (depending on how much you like)
1 tablespoon butter (put dollop on top before covering with top crust)
1 beaten egg (to brush top crust)
Large Granny Smith apples (more or less, depending on size of apples & size of pie dish)
It’s also okay to use a variety of apples, try Braeburn and Royal…

View original post 284 more words

Broke Leg Falls

While visiting in Kentucky, I went to Broke Leg Falls. It is a county run park that is leased. It used to be beautiful, like an Eden park. If you go to the webpage, you will see beautiful pictures of what it used to look like. The hard reality is this, a little over a year ago a tornado passed through, leaving to to look like  a pile of rubble. It is so sad to see it this way, but I have never seen it when it was looking good so all I can go on is what I saw.  Here are a few pictures of it:

Before the tornado:

ImageImageImageImage

After the tornado:

Image